


I'm as Scared as You

by fandomandmore



Series: Quiz Night [2]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomandmore/pseuds/fandomandmore
Summary: So I said Quiz Night was a one shot... But this is just a short snapshot from Callum's POV.After meeting Ben at Queen Vic's Quiz Night, he thinks back on how much his life has changed, whilst texting Ben to organise their drinks.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Whitney Dean/Callum "Halfway" Highway
Series: Quiz Night [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741678
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	I'm as Scared as You

**Author's Note:**

> Definitely read Quiz Night before this for everything to make sense!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented and pressed kudos on Quiz Night... You have all inspired this, so thank you!

Callum unlocked the door to Stuart’s flat and let himself back inside, trying too hard to be quiet so as not to wake his brother. His head was reeling from the events of the past week and, in particular, the events of the last few hours. He’d moved here, to Walford, just four days ago. His life from before was officially over. He loved his older brother, he did; he just didn’t expect there would ever be a day that he’d need to move back in with him. 

His head was spinning with thoughts of the world he’d left behind and the man he’d just met at the local pub. He’d gone to the Vic with the sole aim of catching up with Mick and Linda, two people who he looked up to as almost surrogate parents. People who had treated him like a son when his own weren’t up to the task. He’d left with the prospect of a date. At least, he thought it was a date. A date with a man; he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t freaking out. 

As he collapsed onto the sofa, his mind brought up fresh memories of Chris. Their late nights in the army barracks, their whispered conversations, the hugs that had meant more to him than he’d ever dared admit at the time. 

After Chris had died and he’d had to return home on medical discharge, he’d spent so many nights alone in his room, avoiding Whitney, mind running wild with thoughts of “what if…” until one morning, after yet another sleepless night, he suddenly decided that looking back was redundant. He couldn’t change the past but he could change his future. It was this realisation that had spurred him into finally having the conversation he had been dreading with his fiancée. Finally admitting and saying out loud what he’d never been able to before. The fear, the tears, the shouted words, the thrown engagement ring, the final acceptance he never thought he’d get, the arms around him that gave him the warped sense of relief that although they were hurting, maybe, just maybe, this would be ok, the promise to remain friends but the firm insistence that he had to move out. The phone calls he had to make, admitting the truth over and over again but then the final phone call, “can I come and stay with you?” The inability to say the impossible to his older brother, instead blaming their split on “lack of communication”.

He pushed this final thought to the back of his mind. Stuart would find out about his sexuality eventually, it was inevitable; especially if the date with Ben went ahead but, right now, that wasn’t a conversation he was ready or willing to have.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, cutting through his spiralling thoughts. 

_Ben: I meant what I said. Id love to go for a drink sometime x_

Callum smiled at the message, his heart racing more than he thought possible.

_Callum: And I meant what I said. I’d like that a lot c_  
_I’m pretty sure I’m owed some time with Riley Cyprus too… 😉 x_

_Ben: So… When are u free? x_  
_CALLUM! STILL OFFENDED 🤨_

Callum laughed, already able to imagine the tone of Ben’s voice. He thought back to when he first met Whitney, back when he thought he loved her and that they’d be together forever. It had never felt like this. He’d never understood what people meant when they said sparks flew. The minute he’d looked into Ben’s eyes, mere seconds after meeting, he knew then what sparks were. A feeling of fire deep in his stomach. His heart jumping at the limited contact as Ben fell into his chest. The goose bumps that rose beneath his skin as he held onto Ben’s shoulders, not wanting to let go, not wanting to be the one to break the steady eye contact. The hope that this random stranger was feeling the same way too. The fear of what this could mean. 

He considered his reply; not wanting to sound too eager but also wanting to see Ben now, tomorrow, the day after.

_Callum: When were you thinking? X_

_Ben: Tues, 8pm?_  
_Heard of the Albert? x_

Tuesday. Less than 48 hours away. He could wait that long. He was meant to be seeing Mick and Linda tomorrow anyway. Tuesday. He felt the grin appear on his face. He had no control over it. He was going to see Ben again. In less than 48 hours. He was going on a date with Ben. 

His brain caught up with what was happening and he felt the panic grip him before he could stop it. Was it a date? What if he’d got the wrong end of the stick? What if it was just drinks with a friend? A friendly catch up. Oh, God. In less than 48 hours. He just needed to not freak out. He needed to breathe. He needed to avoid Stuart. For 48 hours. He needed to know what this was. Oh, God. Breathe. He also needed to reply to Ben. Breathe. Reply.

_Callum: Tuesday. 8pm. It’s a ~~date~~ ~~plan~~ ~~date~~. Fine by me! _  
_I think so… Im sure it’s round the corner._  
_Might bee wrong… Have onlybeen here 4days! X_

  
Callum’s head was beginning to spin and typing in coherent sentences was feeling more and more like hard work. A combination of too much alcohol and his mini freak out. He needed to go to bed. He shoved his phone in his pocket and rose, slowly, getting himself a glass of water and the tablets he knew he would need when he woke up in the morning; his phone buzzing multiple times against his leg as he headed to the bedroom.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he took a deep breath before allowing himself to read the replies, hoping there would be some clarification as to the nature of their meeting in the next lot of messages.

_Ben: U move quickly Callum Highway._  
_Only here 4days and already bagged yaself a date with Walford’s hottest bachelor! 😉_  
_So… Meet u outside Albert at 8? X_

Callum felt his breath hitch as he read the word date.

_Callum: So it is then?_  
_A date?_  
_Albert. 8pm. Tues. Can’twait 😊_  
_Goodnihjt Ben xx_

Callum watched the dots go back and forth. Knowing Ben was typing but no message incoming. When his phone finally buzzed in response, his heart sank.

_Ben: Just a saying._  
_No pressure._  
_Night._

Callum stared at his phone. He’d fucked up. He’d asked the question he shouldn’t have. He’d seen this in the pub. Ben so up and down whenever Callum dared to inch that little bit closer. Clearly feeling something but something else, a hidden fear deep behind his eyes, stopping him. 

After he’d shrugged Callum out of the hug he’d dared to initiate and stormed off, Callum was certain he’d got it all wrong, read all the signals wrong. It had sent Callum’s brain into overdrive, ready to leave and pretend the night had never happened. Jay had rushed off after him, Lola telling Callum to stay and to give Ben a chance, that he could be stupid sometimes, that he deals with things badly and to give him time to process. Callum didn’t quite understand what she was referring to in regards to Ben, her words becoming a Ben-shaped riddle, but he knew the general feeling. The confusion, the fear. He saw something of himself in Ben.   
Ben had said he wasn’t good at this. Neither was he. Maybe they were what the other needed.

Callum’s ability to concentrate was dwindling and he seriously needed sleep. He willed himself to focus, slowly and deliberately typing out his response, pressing send before he could overthink it and change his mind, as sleep claimed him, fully dressed.

_Callum: A date it is. I’m as scared as you xx_

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: fandomandmore  
> Twitter: fandomandmoree


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